Too much month at the end of your money?

What do you do when you have too much month at the end of your money?

Honestly, it was hard enough financially when there were 2 incomes to survive on. Contrary to popular belief, I get no financial assistance from the government (apart from a small Family Tax Benefit I get once a year), as this single mumma earns "too much". Legally, I'm supposed to be paying my ex-husband child support, even though custody is shared 50/50, and he's also working. Thankfully, I've managed to negotiate that we both contribute to cover child care (which, this year, will hopefully not be needed, so we can start using the money for other things for my lil boy).

When I work it out, my mortgage takes up 52% of what I get cash in hand from working full-time (I still have a HECS debt from university study). Manadatory bills (rates, energy, insurance) takes up 25%. So we're at 77% already. Then there's petrol & groceries & phone bill - another 20%, so it's 97%. That gives me 3% of my income to pay that child support, and live. Not much.

Financial stress really is one stressor there are limited things you can do about. Emotional stress you can practice mindfulness, see a counsellor, etc etc. At the end of the day, we only have one amount of money coming in, and can do limited things about what's going out.

I guess what I want to know is, what do you do to
a) ensure your money lasts as long as you can into the month / fortnight?
b) money-saving tips

These are a couple of mine:

* Every pay I transfer a set amount to all possible providers of bills - it's an amount I've averaged out over a year. Then when the bill comes, I'm generally only owing a very small amount, if at all.

* I bake a lasagne every month, and that provides a few decent frozen, cost-effective meals for when money runs out.

* I only grocery shop once every pay, and meal plan as best I can, only buying milk and bread in between

* I visit the Family Restaurant (i.e. mum & dad's) as often as I can to scab leftovers or eat with them lol

* I buy cheap wine ($3.30 a bottle) if I want wine.

* I rarely use the air conditioner, and limit energy consumption in general

* I buy bacon, cocktail frankfurts (my son has these for lunches etc) from the deli counter - much cheaper than pre-packaged.

Any other tips????

What makes you happy?

For me?...My cakes!

I've taken to creating cakes for my son and friends, and have just been asked to do my first paid job - a friends' wedding cupcakes and top tier cake! I enjoy the design, creation, meticulous nature of working with icing (especially as one who has clammy hands). I enjoy watching the creation. I enjoy watching the happiness on the receivers' faces. I enjoy the challenge.

I wanted to share some of the positive things I've worked on in the past 18 months, some things that have made me happy!


Thomas' second birthday cake - Wiggles car!


Thomas' fourth (and most challenging) birthday cake - 3D dinosaur!


My BFF's daughter, Rhea's, fourth birthday cake - my gift to her

What's it worth?

18 months of insanity later, I'm back on the blog!

18 months which brought me a sociopath I needed to take a restraining order against, an unstable bipolar sufferer, a car accident, surgery, Ross River Virus, and a very scary time with my son who stopped breathing on the way to hospital with me, to be treated for severe asthma. Thank God he made it.

That moment has actually brought me to write today.

I have taken to a popular internet dating site, and been chatting to a guy for a few weeks now. We really hit it off, and were texting 'til the early hours. Have a lot in common, and he's funny. BUT his profile said he was an occasional / social smoker.

I met him last night, and enjoyed his company. However conversation revealed that he had perhaps underestimated how much he smoked - I don't think that between 3-4 and a pack of cigarettes a day constitutes occasional / social smoking.

I have a very strong opinion on this one, and with my son's asthma, I just won't knowingly put him in the vacinity of smokers - whether they smoke near him or not, it's still on clothes, then they sit on the couch... Aside from that, I hate it. I've got a friend moving in for a couple of months, and this friend is giving up to move in here.

When you've seen your son stop breathing, and had to bring him back, you'll do whatever it takes. And I know smoking might not seem like a big deal to some (in fact, he replied that he had asthma himself and smoking hadn't affected it), but I'm not prepared to compromise on this one - I will not get involved in a relationship with someone who smokes.

My question is, do you think it's worth discarding a relationship with someone because they smoke?

Che Sara Sara

Whatever will be, will be...

Or so the saying goes. Over the past 2 months, I've found the person I thought to be the love of my life - not 10 days after my previous post.

I could write exactly what I wrote last post - that it's been a whirlwind few months. And it has.
That I'm completely and utterly exhausted. And I am.
That to detail all that has happened in the past months would take an eternity, and would exhaust you just to read. And it would.

Suffice to say that I've met someone very special to me, someone with whom a whirlwind romance and intense love affair ensued. However, it would appear that there are great difficulties and hurdles to be overcome in establishing a relationship with another who is also a single-parent, recently separated, and is still finding their way in all that envelops that. Over the past week, it's been decided that 'friends is best' for us both for now. Can it work? I'll not know until I've tried. But I do know that I do not want this person (we'll refer to him as IrishGuy for the purposes of this blog) out of my life.

As for the other two I've spoken of before - we'll refer to the friend who'd come for dinner as "1", and the other, the "within the 4 walls of the bedroom" one, as "Phone guy". 1 is still around, has been for dinner again, and come out with my friends and I a few weeks ago. He's made it clear he's not interested in a relationship. Phone Guy is still texting and trying to get an in, however I stand by my stance that I do not want him in my bedroom. I've experienced great love with IrishGuy, and won't settle for anything less.

I'm taking off this evening for a week abroad with good friends, to celebrate our impending (and recently celebrated) 30th birthdays. I'm excited by the prospect of seeing a new city, and feel relief at the notion that I'll (hopefully) be blessed with 6 nights of sleep, uninterrupted by child or dogs. Massages, shopping, bars, cafes. Good company. It's what's got me through. It's what I've had to look forward to. And now it's here.

It's been a while, I know.

Honestly, when I begin to contemplate putting the events and emotional turmoil of the past few months into words, I feel exhausted. Completely and utterly exhausted.

I'll not detail just yet where the past few months have taken me, both physically and emotionally. I'll start with where I am now.

My new life has begun. I am the proud owner of my own abode, sharing joint parenting of my son (mostly amicably), and working full-time. It's been a huge few months, and it's taken its toll over the past week, with me taking 2 days leave to rest and recoup, and refocus. To try to get over this complete exhaustion.

I've spent time with 2 people of particular importance, with a third who's been in the wings for a couple of months, but have not managed to 'tee anything up' with, which is why he's getting the flick me thinks.

The first person is one I've spoken of before. We've spent a little more time together, with him coming for dinner twice in the 3 weeks I've been in my new house. He was over again last night. The conversation flows so freely, and I believe we both enjoy each others' company. But I really don't know if there's anything other than friendship on his part. I don't know if he's interested in anything more, but is keen on slow, or if he is really only ever going to be a friend, despite what we've shared before. I know my feelings towards him echo the former. I just need to know his, to alleviate the 'what is he thinking?', 'what does he want?' questions that occupy my mind.

The second person has been off the scene for a couple of months. We spent time together for the first few months of the year, but it was confined to within the 4 walls of his bedroom, and I grew tired of this - reading back through my posts, it's confirmed for me that I don't want this type of relationship. I need more what lies with the first person, with intimacy and affection thrown in.

This second person came back onto the scene last weekend, and has indicated he wants to see me again, and to see my new abode. I just don't know that I'm willing to share it with him - I don't want to share my bedroom with him if it's of the nature it was previously. Yet, I was more than happy for the first person to spend the night lying next to me, intimacy or no intimacy.

I just don't know...

How early is too early?

For all the positives of being in a new relationship of any kind, establishing the boundaries, expectations and desires of each party is far from one.

How early is too early to have the discussion of exclusivity?
How early is too early to become involved with another after the demise of a long-term relationship?

How do you breathe?

I don't speak in the literal sense, I speak metaphorically.
Well, in a way I suppose I do mean literally.

You know that feeling you get when it all just gets too much? When you feel there's no way to turn, it's hard every which way, and that your breathing is constantly shallow and hastened? When you feel the knot in your stomach, the one that you didn't even realise you had, until you had a chance to breathe again?

This life is about enjoying it, is it not? I believe this. Strongly. And this is what has led me to some major life choices of late. If you aren't happy, do something about it! Oh, and did I ever?....

I realise that there are many, many people out there with so much more to complain about than I, and please don't think I'm complaining. Everyone has a different threshold, and one should never judge another with a greater or smaller threshold. I just didn't realise I'd hit mine - until I had a moment to myself whilst I was house sitting a month ago. And I realised I enjoyed the freedom of putting my feet on the coffee table whilst enjoying a glass of wine (or two or three), and watching (yet again), Mallrats, an old favourite movie - and one I'd not watched for at least 8 years. I enjoyed the freedom of walking to the local deli to pick up the weekend paper. Of the trip to the other local shop to purchase fresh, hot turkish bread for lunch - with dip. And that's all.

No judgements over my choices heard from anyone. They were my choices to make. They were things I enjoyed. And I noticed I was breathing again when I did these things. I noticed the knot in my stomach release somewhat.

I took myself off to a resort down south late last week for a few nights to recoup, and, above all, to breathe again. I took notice of what it was I enjoyed in life. Wineries, lazing on the beach looking out to the sea, laying by the pool reading a good book, fish and chips in a picturesque location, learning about coffee, d&m's with a long lost friend....These are the things that loosened that knot in my stomach. I felt I could breathe again.

Are these things difficult to replicate? No, they are not. With a child, they are logistically challenging, but they are not out of reach. These are the things I aim to hold dear this year, and to make a point of enjoying, to make sure I remain breathing - deep and slowly, not shallow and hastened.

So, what is it that allows you to breathe? Can you make a concerted effort to enjoy one or two of them every few weeks?