Relationship status by choice or by chance?

I was originally going to title this "Single by Choice or By Chance", but then thought that I do wonder if people in relationships occasionally identify with the "by choice or by chance" element.

I'm single. I make no apologies for that. Or for the fact that me being single makes some people feel insecure about their own relationships. That's about them, not me. I pose no threat to any other person's relationship - that's not what I'm about. And if that's what some think, then you aren't a person I value as being a part of my life. I fail to see how me being alone with a male friend is any different to a man being alone with a male friend. And, to be completely honest, in this day and age, it really is no different - sexual threats aren't just posed by members of the opposite sex.

When my marriage broke down, I felt I was single by chance - my husband wasn't willing to fight for me, for our marriage and our family, when I told him I was unhappy. The only men I came across were only after one night stands or 'friends with benefits' arrangements. I just wasn't meeting eligible people. I thought that I could hack the FWB arrangement, and that one night stands wouldn't affect me. It took me a while to figure out that I was actually worth more, and didn't deserve that - I deserved someone who didn't just want that one element of me, but all of me. Physically, emotionally.

So at that point, I guess I'd say I was single by both chance and choice - I was choosing not to enter into sub-standard or quasi-relationships. By the same token, it was a matter of chance that I was not meeting men who were interested in anything more.

Then I fell in love. I met a man who completely stole my heart. He entwined himself in my life. Began to build a future with me and gave me hope. Only I didn't really know his true self. It took me 5 weeks to begin to be affected by a man who suffered from a personality disorder - a sociopath who had a history of engulfing a woman then destroying her, only to apologise profusely and repeat the process again. It took me six months to regain my confidence and to stand up for what was right, and to finally file for a restraining order - to say that enough was enough. I made a concscious choice to stay single. The risk of hurt was simply too great for me. I guess it still is.

If someone could mould themselves into your life, if you could trust someone so implicitly, and they then do what he did to me, what hope was there?

I have dated 2 other men in the 2 years that have followed, and I'd say they were largely relationships of chance. I settled. Again, I allowed myself to be treated poorly. I was choosing to be in a relationship of chance.

Well, the highlight on Valentine's Day this week has got me thinking. Yes, I haven't met anyone who is single, sane, sexy (to me anyway) and straight, which makes being single a chance. However I'm also choosing to be single.

I'm choosing not to allow anyone in.
I'm choosing to have standards and not settle.
I'm single by choice.
I'm happy in my life.
I'm happy not having a man upsetting the balance in that happy life.
I'm happy not having a man I'm only going to worry is going to hurt me. I'm happy.
I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to take the chance. I'm just not interested. Being single is my choice. Please don't judge me for it, or view me as a threat because of it. I'm just a person like you, currently with a relationship status of choice, just like you.