When a person makes you feel worse about yourself more than they make you feel good, is it time to stand up and part ways?
The older I get the more I think that life is just too short, and whilst there are difficulties in any relationship, and trying times are part and parcel, if more often than not someone makes you feel bad, it's not ok. Is that a selfish attitude?
I don't expect to be spoken to in terse tones in response to genuine questions.
I don't expect to not be able to ask questions to find the answers and allow myself to make a decision of what course of action to take.
I don't expect to be sworn at in front of my son.
I expect to be considered and cared for when I'm unwell.
I expect to be spoken to in kindness.
I expect to be able to have constructive conversations.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Decisiveness
Oh, how to come to make a decision?
I no sooner think my mind is made up, and I am taking one fork in the road, than I begin reminiscing and ponder a return to the other path. But is it that reminiscing, that romanticising about the good times, that clouds the reality? Or is it that 'grass is greener', that tints the shades of a dream of a possible future? Oh, for the invention of rose-coloured glasses. It would be so much easier to see it as it is, and not be influenced by the reminiscing or 'grass is greener'.
Is a decision ever so cut and dried? Are the only 2 paths? Not merely to my current situation, but to all of our questions in general. Or can there be variables on those paths? To the outsider, looking in, it would seem that there are only 2 options. But different paths can look like different things to different people. Just because the only 2 people I currently relate to ended up on a negative, agonising path, doesn't mean that my path has to look that way also. Along one path, it may not appear as happy families all the time. It may be littered with bumps, cracks and muddy patches along the seemingly happy, 'society approves' path. Along the other, it may appear as two parties who manage to allow room for each others' happiness, relying on each other, looking out for each other...whereas for others, this would be a situation they could not relate to.
Or, perhaps a decision does not need to be made yet? Perhaps one could delay the decision making altogether? Oh, wouldn't that be lovely. If it weren't for the constant exhaustion involved in the contemplation and thinking, I think this would absolutely be my preferred option!
What paths are you currently faced with? Are there only 2, or are there variables? How have you made up your mind?
I no sooner think my mind is made up, and I am taking one fork in the road, than I begin reminiscing and ponder a return to the other path. But is it that reminiscing, that romanticising about the good times, that clouds the reality? Or is it that 'grass is greener', that tints the shades of a dream of a possible future? Oh, for the invention of rose-coloured glasses. It would be so much easier to see it as it is, and not be influenced by the reminiscing or 'grass is greener'.
Is a decision ever so cut and dried? Are the only 2 paths? Not merely to my current situation, but to all of our questions in general. Or can there be variables on those paths? To the outsider, looking in, it would seem that there are only 2 options. But different paths can look like different things to different people. Just because the only 2 people I currently relate to ended up on a negative, agonising path, doesn't mean that my path has to look that way also. Along one path, it may not appear as happy families all the time. It may be littered with bumps, cracks and muddy patches along the seemingly happy, 'society approves' path. Along the other, it may appear as two parties who manage to allow room for each others' happiness, relying on each other, looking out for each other...whereas for others, this would be a situation they could not relate to.
Or, perhaps a decision does not need to be made yet? Perhaps one could delay the decision making altogether? Oh, wouldn't that be lovely. If it weren't for the constant exhaustion involved in the contemplation and thinking, I think this would absolutely be my preferred option!
What paths are you currently faced with? Are there only 2, or are there variables? How have you made up your mind?
Friday, September 11, 2009
Who do you share with?
So, I've floated away for a bit...
Why do I insist on divulging my thoughts with people I feel like I've connected with - for a minute?! I am the spider in the Little Miss Muffet nursery rhyme - frightening others away by reaching out.
They say that the problems occur in a marriage when one starts talking to others about their marriage. Yet, when all you discuss turns into anger and hurt with your estranged spouse, where to go? When one is isolated, away from their 'people', one tends to turn to others they wouldn't normally turn to.
The one person they feel like they connected with on an intimate level in the past few years. That person who made them feel an inkling of special and worthy, and who highlighted exactly what they've been missing in their marriage for a very long time. The one person who is 'there' in the loneliness of the night - that time after one's son has gone to sleep, and before one succumbs to sleep themselves.
The person they work with everyday who has turned into a substitute brother. Who keeps me in check every day, and has called me on my more excessive habits. Who has made a pact with me to keep those excessive, pain dulling habits in check.
And the person who gave me my foot in the door, and gave me the opportunity to be where I am now, in the job I love. The person who I no longer work with, but who understands it all, admires my ability to articulate my issues and what I want from life, and my unwillingness to compromise on anything less.
Who do you share with? And how do you get it all off your chest without scaring any of them off?
Why do I insist on divulging my thoughts with people I feel like I've connected with - for a minute?! I am the spider in the Little Miss Muffet nursery rhyme - frightening others away by reaching out.
They say that the problems occur in a marriage when one starts talking to others about their marriage. Yet, when all you discuss turns into anger and hurt with your estranged spouse, where to go? When one is isolated, away from their 'people', one tends to turn to others they wouldn't normally turn to.
The one person they feel like they connected with on an intimate level in the past few years. That person who made them feel an inkling of special and worthy, and who highlighted exactly what they've been missing in their marriage for a very long time. The one person who is 'there' in the loneliness of the night - that time after one's son has gone to sleep, and before one succumbs to sleep themselves.
The person they work with everyday who has turned into a substitute brother. Who keeps me in check every day, and has called me on my more excessive habits. Who has made a pact with me to keep those excessive, pain dulling habits in check.
And the person who gave me my foot in the door, and gave me the opportunity to be where I am now, in the job I love. The person who I no longer work with, but who understands it all, admires my ability to articulate my issues and what I want from life, and my unwillingness to compromise on anything less.
Who do you share with? And how do you get it all off your chest without scaring any of them off?
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